VOODOO SEX MAGIC
Pop quiz, Hotshot:
Your wife has a fever, aching muscles, congestion, and headache - everything that makes up a good cold. You have two kids, both screaming their heads off; you're house is a wreck from celebrating a birthday, and it's your job to clean the house, rein in the kids, and tend to your ailing wife who would normally deal with the madness.
What do you do?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Answer: Fuck her.
There is a cure for the common cold and it's sex. Hey, I'm not trying to be "in your face", I leave that to my betters. But, it has happened to me on more than one occasion that sex can make a woman who's physically ill feel better. My wife before sex: sick in bed. After sex: on her feet and doing her “I’m Every Women” thing. Notice I wrote "women", not men. Doesn't work that way for us, guys. Having sex when we’re sick usually makes us sicker. I think it has something to do with the differences in a man's climax and a woman's orgasm. Sure, there’s the biology of it, but I’m hinting at something deeper. One loses strength while the other gains power. That's how I see it. Men eject, but women "absorb". I asked my wife to describe it, she said it's an "explosion" that starts in one specific area and then spreads out across her entire body. Put that together with various depictions in Japanese animes, and we can safely assume it’s similar for most women. But for men, it’s a sudden rush, or I prefer to think of it as a pulling. As if (for lack of a better description) my soul were being yanked from me. The noises we make are also different, granted my only reference for this are porn and personal experience, but women mostly sound “lifted”, like being taken to a higher place, while men sound like they’ve been punched in the stomach. Or worse yet, devolving to a lower state. Kind of makes me feel cheated. Like the focus of so many manly pursuits pales in comparison to a female's "little death". What must it feel like? This elusive "thing" that only some women can easily enjoy, while others have to search for it like the Holy Grail. Something that they can lose, that evolves, and is controlled more from emotional and mental stimuli than physical? Makes me want one myself.
I've never seen a woman have an ugly orgasm. Men do, we look stupid when we climax. Take the most handsome man, photograph him in the midst of his passion and you'll see Tom Cruise turn to Don Knotts pretty damn quick. But women of all shapes and sizes always look radiant towards, during, and after the fact. Why would we refer to that a "little death" when it looks and sounds like the opposite? Ever listen to a woman's orgasm and the cry of a newborn child back to back? They sound pretty damn similar.
I keep thinking about sex magic - that's something I'd do, but thanks to HBO and Real Sex, I have this imagery of being surrounded by old white couples who are just looking to get off in the weirdest way possible. Why is it that the instructors never participate? Isn't that like a mathematician who uses a calculator while teaching students the process? Oh sure, you think they know what they're talking about, but how do you really? Makes you wonder where the thrill is for them, the teaching, the watching, or just the money?
There was this chick on Howard Stern yesterday promoting her "exotic events" (sex parties) in NYC and I'd seen her before on Real Sex. Both then and yesterday, she mentioned how she hosts, but never participates. Isn't that odd to anyone but me? It's nothing new because porn starlets say how they love sex when we all know they’re screwed mentally. But, if your job is to have sex parties, that just feels different. If my job were to produce rave parties, my fat ass would be a dancing machine, because I’m the promoter. If I'm not having fun and dancing, then why should anyone else? I'd drink, take X, and do whatever else they do because that's part of my job.
I've come to my own conclusion that these people are voyeurs who like watching people have sex instead of having it themselves. And dig this, they expect couples to come to their homes or whatever to have sex publicly, but their sex lives remain behind closed doors. Hey, it's a great job if you can get it. People pay you hundreds of dollars to teach them how to have sex. Things that, if they opened a book, they could learn on their own, and you get to watch people having sex all day...
Even if it is old people sex.
JPG.
Your wife has a fever, aching muscles, congestion, and headache - everything that makes up a good cold. You have two kids, both screaming their heads off; you're house is a wreck from celebrating a birthday, and it's your job to clean the house, rein in the kids, and tend to your ailing wife who would normally deal with the madness.
What do you do?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Answer: Fuck her.
There is a cure for the common cold and it's sex. Hey, I'm not trying to be "in your face", I leave that to my betters. But, it has happened to me on more than one occasion that sex can make a woman who's physically ill feel better. My wife before sex: sick in bed. After sex: on her feet and doing her “I’m Every Women” thing. Notice I wrote "women", not men. Doesn't work that way for us, guys. Having sex when we’re sick usually makes us sicker. I think it has something to do with the differences in a man's climax and a woman's orgasm. Sure, there’s the biology of it, but I’m hinting at something deeper. One loses strength while the other gains power. That's how I see it. Men eject, but women "absorb". I asked my wife to describe it, she said it's an "explosion" that starts in one specific area and then spreads out across her entire body. Put that together with various depictions in Japanese animes, and we can safely assume it’s similar for most women. But for men, it’s a sudden rush, or I prefer to think of it as a pulling. As if (for lack of a better description) my soul were being yanked from me. The noises we make are also different, granted my only reference for this are porn and personal experience, but women mostly sound “lifted”, like being taken to a higher place, while men sound like they’ve been punched in the stomach. Or worse yet, devolving to a lower state. Kind of makes me feel cheated. Like the focus of so many manly pursuits pales in comparison to a female's "little death". What must it feel like? This elusive "thing" that only some women can easily enjoy, while others have to search for it like the Holy Grail. Something that they can lose, that evolves, and is controlled more from emotional and mental stimuli than physical? Makes me want one myself.
I've never seen a woman have an ugly orgasm. Men do, we look stupid when we climax. Take the most handsome man, photograph him in the midst of his passion and you'll see Tom Cruise turn to Don Knotts pretty damn quick. But women of all shapes and sizes always look radiant towards, during, and after the fact. Why would we refer to that a "little death" when it looks and sounds like the opposite? Ever listen to a woman's orgasm and the cry of a newborn child back to back? They sound pretty damn similar.
I keep thinking about sex magic - that's something I'd do, but thanks to HBO and Real Sex, I have this imagery of being surrounded by old white couples who are just looking to get off in the weirdest way possible. Why is it that the instructors never participate? Isn't that like a mathematician who uses a calculator while teaching students the process? Oh sure, you think they know what they're talking about, but how do you really? Makes you wonder where the thrill is for them, the teaching, the watching, or just the money?
There was this chick on Howard Stern yesterday promoting her "exotic events" (sex parties) in NYC and I'd seen her before on Real Sex. Both then and yesterday, she mentioned how she hosts, but never participates. Isn't that odd to anyone but me? It's nothing new because porn starlets say how they love sex when we all know they’re screwed mentally. But, if your job is to have sex parties, that just feels different. If my job were to produce rave parties, my fat ass would be a dancing machine, because I’m the promoter. If I'm not having fun and dancing, then why should anyone else? I'd drink, take X, and do whatever else they do because that's part of my job.
I've come to my own conclusion that these people are voyeurs who like watching people have sex instead of having it themselves. And dig this, they expect couples to come to their homes or whatever to have sex publicly, but their sex lives remain behind closed doors. Hey, it's a great job if you can get it. People pay you hundreds of dollars to teach them how to have sex. Things that, if they opened a book, they could learn on their own, and you get to watch people having sex all day...
Even if it is old people sex.
JPG.
posted by QABBAL at 11:44 AM
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