RATIONALE
Friday was a perfect example of why I'm leaving my division and transferring to a new job in the main hospital.
Ever since the news of my departure was made public, the office has been cold. No one talks to me. It's not like I talked to them all that much, but at least an effort was made to include me. Today, a new enrollment had to get done and nobody even offered me their assistance. When somebody needs help, I try to give him a hand. But today, when it got tough for me, no one even blinked.
My job probably wouldn't have been so bad if not for my coworkers. First, there's Know-It-All, everyone treats him like Mr. Super CRA. He has been there for a long time and knows his job, but there's a laziness about him to. It's not very noticeable at first, but if you pay attention you can see it. He’s very quick to pass the buck and doesn't take into account how the other person is doing before he sends more work their way. His major beef is with the management and his treatment of people isn influenced by that.
When I first started, I knew nothing. My training was abysmal and everyone knew it. But, when the supervisor assigned me with protocols and the first patient came in, Know-It-All sat on the sidelines, sending call after call my way. He hated our supervisor, everyone did except for myself and one other person, and I felt he used me to get back at her. He waited until the very last moment before he helped me and I think he was waiting for me to make a big enough mistake so he could make a stink. Having his help was worst than doing things on my own. He considers himself a learned person and takes any opportunity he can to prove it. When something requires a yes or no answer, he'll lecture for twenty-minutes claiming that he wants to teach, when in fact, he wants to show off. He complains about the system, but does nothing to change it.
His rode dawg is Bitch. Yeah, that's an accurate description. This woman is the epitome of everything I hate about the working world. She talks behind people's back, is incredibly vulgar and self-centered, and just a big pain in the ass. The scarey thing is, she reminds me of my mother.
Maybe it’s a mother thing, but I can smell her neediness from a mile away. It’s like body odor or some biological stench like a skunk. She finds a way of turning every conversation so it ultimately becomes about her. She constantly bitches about how she suffers and how the bosses are overloading her with work, but God forbid of someone else showed up, then it’s all about fixing their mistakes. She talks at an unusual volume, making sure everyone here’s her. And, she has no sense of what should and shouldn’t be spoke of in a professional environment.
Today, Bitch really pissed me off and I almost let loose. I was busy with shipping a specimen and Know-It-All mentions he’s been receiving several inquires about the positions they have available, including mine. Bitch lets out this blanket statement: “Well, I just hope they hire people who’ll do some work instead of just warming the seat for a while.” I waited for her to say: Present company excepted.” But, she never did. She just left it out there, including me in her statement, making a passive aggressive attack on me and everyone else who’d left recently for greener pastures.
One of the few things that I just can’t stand are people with no balls, and this is a perfect example. Office politics demand, even if she was talking about me, she exclude me from her statement to keep the peace. Here’s someone who never came to me once to complain. Never spoke to me once about her feelings, about me not pulling my weight. To my face, she agreed that I’d been mismanaged and when the word went out of my leaving, she said nothing about it. I’m sure she knew ahead of time because I’ve made no attempts to hide my feelings, but she still had nothing to say. Now, I’m leaving, people are calling in, and she take a stab at me for no reason. She didn’t have the balls to come to me and express herself, so she delivers a blanket statement and walks away.
I wanted to get in her face so bad, I almost risked my performance evaluation to do it. But, as I get older, I try to avoid confrontation. Not because I’m a coward, but it’s such an energy drain. It saps everything out of me and I get nothing out of it. Sometimes, getting into it is fruitful. I’m lucky to come across someone who’s able to step out of their skin, see a situation from several perspectives and in the end we’ve come to understand each other a little better. But, most of the time, the person in front of me is like my mother and Bitch, someone totally unable to see outside their own viewpoint. Everything is being done to them, nothing is their fault, and they know everything.
So I sat there stewing in my anger with her comment on replay in my brain. I was under a deadline to get this specimen out and everything had gone wrong. Know-It-All had asked me if I needed help, but I knew it was insincere, he asked just so he could say he did. I almost didn’t answer. I wanted him and Bitch to know I knew the score. I heard and understood what she said and I was pissed. But, what would that have accomplished? So, I said I was okay and kept working without looking at him.
I did my job, got the specimen out on time, only for it to mean nothing because the patient was ruled ineligible for the treatment trial. My wife called when I got the news and vented to her about Bitch and her comment. I unloaded by visiting Circuit City, paying $60 for the Thundercats dvd boxset, bought two quarts of Baskin Robbins ice cream, and went home to plant my ass in my daddy seat.
By the end of the first Thundercats disk I was feeling better. Nothing like nostalgia to make a person feel better. I was hoping my daughter would love Thundercats as much as I did as a kid, and I can’t explain how cool it was to see her singing the theme song by the second episode. We sat together in my daddy chair watching the first eleven episodes before she went to bed and I tuned in for Battlestar Galactica.
I pulled an all-nighter, falling asleep and waking up to see the Night Court marathon start on TVLand. And by Saturday morning breakfast I’d forgotten Friday ever happened. Now, it’s Sunday night, the Night Court marathon is winding down and tomorrow is another Monday at the CTO. They extended my transfer by another week on a technicality, so Monday is my official last two weeks. And, just when I was feeling bad and questioning my decisions, Friday happened, and I’m sure I’m doing the right thing. I can’t wait to start my life again. This is my opportunity to get back what I lost when I accepted the CRC job two years ago. A chance to undo the mistake I made when I let my boss creep into my brain and forgot who I was and what I was meant to do.
This week I have my first appointment with a psychologist and I’m looking forward to spilling the beans on a lot of things. Who knows, maybe with someone to talk to about these things, I won’t have to come here anymore.
We’ll see.
JPG.
Ever since the news of my departure was made public, the office has been cold. No one talks to me. It's not like I talked to them all that much, but at least an effort was made to include me. Today, a new enrollment had to get done and nobody even offered me their assistance. When somebody needs help, I try to give him a hand. But today, when it got tough for me, no one even blinked.
My job probably wouldn't have been so bad if not for my coworkers. First, there's Know-It-All, everyone treats him like Mr. Super CRA. He has been there for a long time and knows his job, but there's a laziness about him to. It's not very noticeable at first, but if you pay attention you can see it. He’s very quick to pass the buck and doesn't take into account how the other person is doing before he sends more work their way. His major beef is with the management and his treatment of people isn influenced by that.
When I first started, I knew nothing. My training was abysmal and everyone knew it. But, when the supervisor assigned me with protocols and the first patient came in, Know-It-All sat on the sidelines, sending call after call my way. He hated our supervisor, everyone did except for myself and one other person, and I felt he used me to get back at her. He waited until the very last moment before he helped me and I think he was waiting for me to make a big enough mistake so he could make a stink. Having his help was worst than doing things on my own. He considers himself a learned person and takes any opportunity he can to prove it. When something requires a yes or no answer, he'll lecture for twenty-minutes claiming that he wants to teach, when in fact, he wants to show off. He complains about the system, but does nothing to change it.
His rode dawg is Bitch. Yeah, that's an accurate description. This woman is the epitome of everything I hate about the working world. She talks behind people's back, is incredibly vulgar and self-centered, and just a big pain in the ass. The scarey thing is, she reminds me of my mother.
Maybe it’s a mother thing, but I can smell her neediness from a mile away. It’s like body odor or some biological stench like a skunk. She finds a way of turning every conversation so it ultimately becomes about her. She constantly bitches about how she suffers and how the bosses are overloading her with work, but God forbid of someone else showed up, then it’s all about fixing their mistakes. She talks at an unusual volume, making sure everyone here’s her. And, she has no sense of what should and shouldn’t be spoke of in a professional environment.
Today, Bitch really pissed me off and I almost let loose. I was busy with shipping a specimen and Know-It-All mentions he’s been receiving several inquires about the positions they have available, including mine. Bitch lets out this blanket statement: “Well, I just hope they hire people who’ll do some work instead of just warming the seat for a while.” I waited for her to say: Present company excepted.” But, she never did. She just left it out there, including me in her statement, making a passive aggressive attack on me and everyone else who’d left recently for greener pastures.
One of the few things that I just can’t stand are people with no balls, and this is a perfect example. Office politics demand, even if she was talking about me, she exclude me from her statement to keep the peace. Here’s someone who never came to me once to complain. Never spoke to me once about her feelings, about me not pulling my weight. To my face, she agreed that I’d been mismanaged and when the word went out of my leaving, she said nothing about it. I’m sure she knew ahead of time because I’ve made no attempts to hide my feelings, but she still had nothing to say. Now, I’m leaving, people are calling in, and she take a stab at me for no reason. She didn’t have the balls to come to me and express herself, so she delivers a blanket statement and walks away.
I wanted to get in her face so bad, I almost risked my performance evaluation to do it. But, as I get older, I try to avoid confrontation. Not because I’m a coward, but it’s such an energy drain. It saps everything out of me and I get nothing out of it. Sometimes, getting into it is fruitful. I’m lucky to come across someone who’s able to step out of their skin, see a situation from several perspectives and in the end we’ve come to understand each other a little better. But, most of the time, the person in front of me is like my mother and Bitch, someone totally unable to see outside their own viewpoint. Everything is being done to them, nothing is their fault, and they know everything.
So I sat there stewing in my anger with her comment on replay in my brain. I was under a deadline to get this specimen out and everything had gone wrong. Know-It-All had asked me if I needed help, but I knew it was insincere, he asked just so he could say he did. I almost didn’t answer. I wanted him and Bitch to know I knew the score. I heard and understood what she said and I was pissed. But, what would that have accomplished? So, I said I was okay and kept working without looking at him.
I did my job, got the specimen out on time, only for it to mean nothing because the patient was ruled ineligible for the treatment trial. My wife called when I got the news and vented to her about Bitch and her comment. I unloaded by visiting Circuit City, paying $60 for the Thundercats dvd boxset, bought two quarts of Baskin Robbins ice cream, and went home to plant my ass in my daddy seat.
By the end of the first Thundercats disk I was feeling better. Nothing like nostalgia to make a person feel better. I was hoping my daughter would love Thundercats as much as I did as a kid, and I can’t explain how cool it was to see her singing the theme song by the second episode. We sat together in my daddy chair watching the first eleven episodes before she went to bed and I tuned in for Battlestar Galactica.
I pulled an all-nighter, falling asleep and waking up to see the Night Court marathon start on TVLand. And by Saturday morning breakfast I’d forgotten Friday ever happened. Now, it’s Sunday night, the Night Court marathon is winding down and tomorrow is another Monday at the CTO. They extended my transfer by another week on a technicality, so Monday is my official last two weeks. And, just when I was feeling bad and questioning my decisions, Friday happened, and I’m sure I’m doing the right thing. I can’t wait to start my life again. This is my opportunity to get back what I lost when I accepted the CRC job two years ago. A chance to undo the mistake I made when I let my boss creep into my brain and forgot who I was and what I was meant to do.
This week I have my first appointment with a psychologist and I’m looking forward to spilling the beans on a lot of things. Who knows, maybe with someone to talk to about these things, I won’t have to come here anymore.
We’ll see.
JPG.
posted by QABBAL at 12:07 AM
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