Wednesday, June 07, 2006

GROUP-MINDED Pt. 3

In the beginning, Gothic Studios had two books: Umbra and Clan of the Vein. Umbra later became Dead Souls and the story went from a game between Jesus and Lucifer, to five evil as fuck people being the only ones who can save humanity from the End Times.

Those were good times. Weeknights found me at Bloody Pencils house cranking out character designs and having general discussions on story and comics. Saturdays, we crashed at Neil’s condo in Silver Lake, before it became the gay man’s new Mecca.

One character, Priest, Bloody Pencil must have drawn twenty times, each time a new variation on the design. The cool thing about the character was these two ponytails the came down from his head like twisted devil horns. His head was completely bald, except for those two tails. A lot of things happened in those days to change things around. Gothic Studios became Danse Macabre when, at a convention, I found a comic by a company with the same name. Neil was the one who suggested Danse Macabre or Devil’s Dance, and it stuck. Later, with the emergence of DMX, I started referring to us as DMS. Are focus went more from horror to alternative, and are dreams a small group of artists publishing comics, went to dreams of being a publishing company with huge offices, movie deals, and millions of fans. But, for those first few months, it was magic.

The ideas flew fast, so fast we forgot more than we remembered. We were ahead of our time. The internet was new and we already had plans for a website. We had cinematic dreams before comic movies went blockbuster. And, to this day, we still have the best add complain ever…

Imagine four guys standing buck naked except for socks on their feet on a grimy street in Downtown Los Angeles. Each is holding a comic book over their private parts. Now, picture that as a poster and over their heads it reads: “Buy Our Comics…please.” I had another idea of the four of us chained to drawing and writing desks in a dungeon, with a dominatrix whipping our asses as we make comics. Similar tag line: “DMS – She’s Busting Our Asses for You.”

Our ideas were all over the place. I really miss those days of pure inspiration and uncensored dreams…. Never lasts long, though.

Like this whole thing started, the failure is on me, and its time I owned up to it. I never liked being a leader. I’ve done everything in my life not to be a leader. When our group came together, I tried to swing the responsibility away from my as often as possible. I claimed that this endeavor was a partnership, and so we all shared equal parts. What I was really doing was spreading the blame for any fuck ups as far from myself as possible. It was also my way of covering up that I knew nothing about the business or how to break in. I think that, despite my efforts, they still looked to me for leadership. Each with their expectations of what a leader is supposed to be and do.

My first mistake was growing too fast and not having balls enough to be exclusive. After I found the others, I added Vidom and Jonathan. That turned out to be a waste of time. I don’t even remember how the dropped off, but they did. Jonathan never was interested in American comics, and why he agreed to join us I still don’t know. Vidom wanted to join because Dark Shadows was on the cusp of disbandment. His mother and older brother had taken control of everything and he wanted that freedom again. He also wanted to work with me. But he had other problems, namely, a teenage girl pregnant with his child. I often wonder how he’s doing. Later came David, or Dave – I don’t remember which - and someone I had first met at Vidom’s, another artist, and they brought their book to us, Glacier. I think this is where things went bad. Bloody Pencil and Neil had no respect for Dave, his artist, or their book, and it was obvious form the start. I should have done something about it, told Dave we weren’t interested. After all, what had we done? Who were we to accept submission when we hadn’t even published a book and had no idea where we’d get the money? I was scared. Too scared with a low opinion of myself to do what had to be done. I kept asking myself who was I to be so righteous to deny someone anything. Besides, it was this “holier than thou” thing I wanted to get away from, give some guys a real chance. But, it was really about my fear. I couldn’t look someone in the face and tell me we weren’t interested because their work was sub-par. What if they said the same thing about mine?

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